My experience with a liar...

​"I'm not a bad person, I'm just a liar." he said.

​

We were in an open relationship, so dating others wasn't off the table. But we had to talk about it and we had to use protection with other partners.

​

He didn't tell me about her. 

He didn't protect either of us. 

He lied to her about having herpes. 

He lied to both of us about the lifestyle he wants to lead. ​

___________________

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The following is a true account of just some of his lies... we may never know the full extent of all of them. 

___________________

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Part 1 - How it Started...

​

Drew and I started sleeping together in July 2021. Like many modern day love stories, we met on Hinge. 

“You’re cute. I’d like to fuck you on my boat," he said. 

Fenton, Missouri his profile said. A country boy. Could be a thirty to forty minute drive from that southern suburb of St. Louis to my cottage in the forests of West County, where horses outnumber humans. 

We spent the first few days texting about our sexual fantasies.

He was giving me the freak test. I had had threesomes, foursomes, loved eating pussy, liked trying new things, and was deeply aroused by providing pleasure to others. He was too, he promised. He loved pleasuring women. 

​

“You have to help me with a threesome fantasy! Both you girls sucking my dick and balls. And pussy to pussy.” He delighted.

“I have a great glass double ended dildo for the pussy to pussy play,” I teased, still the first day we had ever talked. 

“I wanna be sucking both your clits and asshole while you guys fuck the glass dildo.”

“We may have to use another app to help us find a unicorn.” I said. Knowing from a previous experience that high quality unicorns aren’t that easy to find.

​

“What app? Let’s look together!” He urged. Looking back, I now know he had multiple apps in use for finding such things. At this point he was trying to figure out what apps I was using, but he didn't share with me the depths of his own sexual hunt.

​

I disclosed my HPV 16/18 to him immediately as well as my HSV-1. I wanted to make sure he had the HPV vaccine before I got with him.  I explained how dangerous that strain of HPV could be for women. It can potentially cause cervical cancer, I told him. It’s not a big deal for dudes, but I don’t want you to carry it on to other women.  And the best protection against that is the vaccine (which I didn’t have as a 37 year old). He said he’d double check, but he was pretty sure he had gotten it. 

​

“I have HSV-1 too,"  he divulged. 

​

We tried getting together within the next couple of weeks to no avail. He had side jobs and I worked a lot of evenings and weekends at the time. We freaks, however, pressed onward and kept trying to make something work. Months later I would find out that during the summer we met, he was fucking a couple from ClubForeplay (C4P.com), a swingers site where he had a profile. Now that I'm aware how easily his lies came, I’m sure the "side jobs" he referred to when trying to schedule a rendezvous with me were actually sexual in nature.  

​

"Side jobs" made him sound helpful though, and industrious. In hindsight, he put extensive effort into portraying himself as an over scheduled, overly helpful and successful worker, friend, and son. He worked at a massive corporate engineering and construction firm and truthfully, he's a spreadsheet bitch who gathers data for his many bosses. Tracking processes and quality controls on projects with dozens of mentors and bosses above him telling him what to do. 

​

His dad owned a construction company so he fancied himself a handyman too. Drew loved to talk about how helpful he was and how much he had on his plate, as if it might explain an absence or a late night or two. He had his dad to help, and Dallas and Heather's house to help rehab, and Jake's fence to mend. Unless he's sent me photos of a job he was working on, now I expect he was meeting up with another partner (or partners) who had also passed the freak test. 

​

While I continued waiting to get together with this charming little freak, I matched with other Hingers who turned out to be easier to nail down. One named Adam came over the day we matched. Arriving in his huge black pick up truck with a big smile, ready for strip Mario Kart and down for anything, he said. 

​

Most men were easy. But Drew was proving to be a little bit of work.  He had some red flag behaviors from the beginning but always rationalized them. That's what liars are best at.  Giving you reasons why their bullshit may actually make a little sense. 

​

Finally a date worked for both of us. It was already June by this time and we still had been sexting and snapping daily for a while.  I was thrilled I’d finally have him inside me. He was excited to have a little whore, he said, and he knew from our conversations that I would fit the bill.

​

To meet up with him I had canceled four hours of work, costing me $200 to meet up with him that next Monday night. When I texted him the night before to confirm our plans, I was met with silence.  At 1:30p the next day (the day we were supposed to meet) I still hadn't heard from him. I didn’t ask what was going on. Instead, I lit into him.

​

“For future reference even a potential friend with benefits deserves a respectful “hey I met someone else this weekend” or “sorry I don’t think it’ll work”.  I woulda fucked you if you were fucking someone else as long as everyone gets tested regularly and there’s transparency between us. Open relationships require openness which I'm now thinking might be difficult for you. Your silence says volumes about you as your snap chat count continues to climb. Now I’m deleting your contact info and someday turns into never. Best wishes and I hope you find the whore you’re looking for! “

Five minutes later he responded, “Jess I am so so sorry… I had the worst day yesterday at work and totally forgot to respond. I feel like such a dick and you don’t deserve that at all… you’re truly an amazing person and I’m sorry for not responding…. I wish there would be something I could do to make this up to you…”

​

His excuse played on my sympathies. One of his stronger skills, I'd say. 

​

“That sucks. I'm sorry you had a bad day." I shot back. "I canceled $200 worth of lessons tonight to leave my evening open for a poor communicator who said he would “keep in touch”. I would have loved to talk with you and support you through your bad day too. But alas here we are - and here we remain. I’m sure your future ladies will appreciate your being more communicative — even on your worst days…”

​

“ I feel so so bad Jess… I hate making you feel like that… is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” he begged. 

“If I think of anything - I’ll keep in touch ….” I said.

“Okay Jess, I really do want to make this right with you…”

​

I let him sit in silence for three weeks before responding back. 

​

 “I’m curious as to why you weren’t excited about actually getting together. After getting back on Hinge and having a few dudes come over the same day we matched I started to wonder if maybe you’re in a relationship or starting to get into one… or if I had just asked too much of you as a FWB to look out for others’ sexual health? You don’t owe me an explanation - but after I had a dream about you last night I started to think about what might keep you from actually making something happen. You honestly had me excited to explore friendly benefits with you for weeks and I just felt stupid when you didn’t communicate with me that final time you had to cancel."  

​

“I was… tbh I found out I’m moving to Wisconsin for work and knew I’d have way too much fun with you and would be hard for me to leave…I’m sorry again, Jess,” he groveled. 

​

He shared with me his move date. It was about a month out. 

​

"It’s only 6 hours away if you wanted to come visit," he offered. 

“I’d consider visiting if we got together before you leave and we vibe.” I said. 

I asked him to let me know some evenings he had free before he moved and I’d try to make something work. I wouldn’t be cancelling any work to be with him, I said. He lost that privilege.

​

Finally on July 19, almost ten months after we began fantasizing about being together, we finally made it happen.

​

____________ 

​

July 19, 2021 

​

“Can I go down on you?? I just wanna taste your sweet, sweet pussy. I wanna please you like no other,” he begged. 

This thrilled me. I sent him my address and pulled on the leather harness set I had bought for the occasion. I had lingerie, but a freak deserved leather and buckles. That evening, he walked through my bedroom sliding door that led from my deck to my bed and he immediately planted his face in my pussy from behind. 

​

He seemed so eager to please me and did so very easily. He made me feel comfortable sexually right away. Always asking, “Is this good? Do you like that? What else can I do to make you cum?”

_______________ 

​

He moved away that month but we saw each other a few times before he left. Our final fuck was dubbed 'Truck Fuck". Taking place in his dad's truck in the parking lot of a building his head office owned. He said this wasn't goodbye and I'd see him whenever he came back home to see friends and family. His invitation to come see him remained, he said. And at the end of September, I drove up to Madison to spend our first weekend together. 

​

Between orgasms we got brunch and explored downtown on longboards. Went out for long, chatty dinners and discussed what we'd do if we had another woman with us that night.  We made hours of sex tapes and one of our favorite jokes came from that weekend.  He sent a snap of me in my lingerie making him breakfast to a friend and his non-plussed response was, "Is that a butt plug in the sink?" 

​

"I feel like we got a lot closer this weekend," he said to me as we drove to the shit heap that housed his boat for the winter. 

​

"We definitely did," I agreed, but wasn't sure if that meant anything at all since we were five and half or six hours away.  

​

I had learned that weekend, for example, that his parents were very hard on him - his dad especially.  He and his dad weren’t super close emotionally, he explained. His dad thought he was a fuck up even though Drew claimed to do everything his dad asked, helped out when needed and was always there for helping on the family farm and helping with his business's side jobs when he could.  I see now that most of his attempts at telling me more about himself were covert pleas for sympathy.  He painted himself as the super responsible and helpful underdog who went unappreciated and unloved. 

​

As a person who also felt far away emotionally from her religious and straight-laced parents, his stories got my sympathy easily.  With every “whoa is me” tale he wove, I fell hook, line, and sinker for the down-and-out, unlucky guy who was just doing his best. Sheesh.

Before I left that weekend we decided that we'd still like to see each other when we could.  We'd also need to satisfy our freaky sexual needs with others while we weren't together geographically. We agreed to vet other partners for sexually transmitted infections, freaky histories, and we'd pass things by each other before moving forward. Of course we'd also continue trying to find a unicorn to fuck the next time we were together.  At the end of our weekend together as I packed my things to go back to St. Louis, I teared up at the thought that I may not see him again soon.

​

I told him about every potential partner I had during that time he lived in Madison.  I thought if it put him at ease to know about my other partners, he’d give me the same respect and peace of mind.  

​

“I want to be on the same page with you.” he texted me one day. “If you fuck someone would you tell me please? I don’t care at all but while I’m fucking you I'd like to at least know? I hope I’m not overstepping. Just something I’d like to both be on the same page about.” 

​

“Of course!” I said. “Will you do the same for me?” 

​

“Yes I promise on my life bb. I want to be so open about everything. So open, so comfortable, & feel so good," he promised. 

​

“I have a new hinge dude coming over this Tuesday,” I told him. “I know after my mom's chemo this week the stress in my body will best be released thru orgasm. But if you can make it down next weekend to fuck the sad out of me and prefer I not put myself at risk for a yeast infection from new jiz, let me know. My sweet freak cums first in me.”  

​

“I want to come home next weekend and have my cum in you. Are you making sure he's clean? I’m assuming so, I’m just scared to catch something, babe. Will you send me videos of the two of you though?” 

​

Of course he was worried about putting him at risk by fucking others. I understood that completely. But how could he think I wouldn’t ask when sexual health was so imperative to me?  

​

“I hope you know me well enough to know sexual health is super important to me. Not just mine but yours. He’s given me his most recent test results and he tested negative for HIV, Chlamydia, ghonnorea, and trich. His most recent partner was 5 months ago. And he was tested  2 months ago. So I feel very comfortable with that. He’s also been vaxxed for HPV. I’m happy to make him use condoms if that makes you more comfortable. Or I’m happy to push him off to next week if you’re actually coming in next weekend. He’s not looking for monogamy but just a FWB and he’s well aware of you and my feelings for you.  He is also ok with me sending videos to you.” 

​

We had veto power if we had a good reason to veto the other person's potential partner, but he never gave me a chance to use it. "I'm just super busy with this job site, babe. I don't have time for sex." 

​

Over the course of that winter while he was in Madison I sent six or seven partner checks to him. He never sent me one.  His stress levels at the new job were crazy high, he said, but now that I know what I know about Drew - I’m sure he was fucking multiple girls up there and just not telling me.

His veto power finally went into use when one December day I told him Adam was coming back.  

​

“My friend Adam (who I milked in that video i sent you) broke up w his girl and just hit me up last night for a massage. Do you want me to see if he’s up for a foursome?? Then you two can DP me and watch me lick Emily alll at once !” I trilled excitedly.

I had matched with cute little 23 year old named Emily and she was our first willing participant for a threesome. She was a local bartender and absolutely stunning. But he killed my buzz immediately by telling me that Adam could not participate if we wanted to make it a foursome. 

​

“Adam Bosch? I can’t! I know him. Which milking video, I can’t remember.” he said.  

​

I resent the video and explained, “I started hooking up with him a few weeks before you finally got your sweet ass over to my place. Lol. He only got with me 3 times before he started dating his ex. He might come over tonight tho.” I finished.  

​

“That’s soo awkward  can we make sure he doesn’t know about me? Idk why but I just got super jealous ,” he said, playing on my emotions again.  

​

“Oh babe. I’m so sorry. I don’t want you to feel that way. If you don’t feel comfortable I won’t fuck him. I promise. You’re too important to me. Why don’t you want him to know about you? Before he asked for the massage he asked if I was with anyone and I said “I’m seeing a dude, Drew who lives outta state. I have feelings for him but we’re in an open thing and I tell him everything.” Then he asked for the massage. He’s not a dude I would get feelings for. He’s too much of a bro lol. But I will not see him if you aren’t ok with it. You’re my sweet freak and the human100! .” I promised.  

​

“idk why I’m feeling jealous..” he began. “I think it’s just the thought of losing you, him being better, and in better shape… Partially feeling like this because I am in the worst shape of my life and do not feel comfortable with my body at all rn . I hope you have a good night babe. I just don’t like his brothers bc we’ve had issues in college.. idk why I just get so anxious when I think about you and him. I shouldn’t feel that away bc I know you care about me and I care about you as well and I need to work on this since we are in an open thing.” 

​

I took a deep breath and thumb fucked the following: 

“Babe - I completely understand that feeling and hate that you don’t find yourself as fucking sexy as I do. Reminder that I had already slept w Adam before you and you remain the human 100!

​

He doesn’t come close to you in terms of making me feel comfortable. In fact he can be a bit of a judgey dick, a little homophobic and a little racist which you know isn’t attractive to me. Sex was good. He got me off. His body is fine but he’s sort of an arrogant asshole about it and you are humble and sweet and wayyyy freakier.  

​

You are the least judgmental person I’ve ever met. You make me feel comfortable both with you and with my body, you make me feel beautiful, you make me laugh. I’ve never had hotter or more fun sex than I have with you. Your smile makes me at ease. You melt my heart all the time with the way you adore me. And I hope you can tell how much I reciprocate that. 

​

I just wish I made you feel sexy the way you make me feel — We both will always be able to achieve better bodies. But I want you to feel how good your body makes me feel. Exactly as it is.  I will likely not find the combo of comfort, excitement, hotness, wetness and the sweetness you bring to my life anywhere else.

​

That means it’s easy to walk away from Adam and tell him I’m not gonna sleep with him. I won’t tell him why. Because It’s not his business. It’s important to me you trust me, and know that you’re the best - In fact  I sent you something in the mail yesterday that says you’re the GOAT on it and it’s so true. 

​

Maybe Emily will become someone I can see and lick and cuddle when you aren’t around.  And I hope you’d tell me if for any reason she or someone else gives you bad vibes because I want to hear about it and respect your feelings. I hope you feel my arms wrapped around you and my mouth wrapped around your cock today. I’m sorry it’s a shitty crazy week. Please find time to eat and sleep and for me.” 

​

I promised not to sleep with Adam out of respect for his insecurities. I wanted him to feel like he was important to me. And I felt good about the level of transparency and input I was giving Drew, and assumed (though incorrectly) he’d give me the same respect in return.  But he never once sent me a potential partner he was talking to while he was in Madison. He sent me potential unicorns for us to fuck together the next time I was there but he never mentioned wanting to meet up with any of them on his own. 

​

I’d love to get into his phone and look at all the girls he was matching with and fucking while he claimed to be overwhelmed at work that winter. But I had little reason to question things since he came back to St. Louis almost every other weekend.  My mom was a couple months into fighting cancer so I wasn’t able to get out of town again to see him. To get his hot, freaky multi-round sex fix, he had to drive south, and he did so quite often during his short stay in Madison.  

​

During my mom's battle with cancer he was incredibly supportive. He called, texted and checked on me often.  He said he’d come to me as often as he could because he understood my inability to leave town at the moment. I told him about the law suit she was filing against Johnson & Johnson since it was ovarian cancer. She could win a $1million suit, I had told him. He was very eager to hear updates on that, he said. On his weekends back in St. Louis, he’d go out with friends or his

parents, attend work holiday parties and I always picked him up after leaving my mom and would take him back to my place. 

 He’d likely drive himself back to my house wasted if had let him. He had zero regard for consequences and believed himself to be nearly invincible.  

__________________

​

We continued to talk to Emily through me, both of us hoping she’d be the unicorn for us.  

“I just got so hard on the way to work thinking about you and Emily on top of each other and me going back and forth from pussy to pussy.” he texted me one morning. 

​

“Yassssssss that’s sooo fucking hot!!!  I can imagine your stunning smile as one of us happily bounces on your cock and one of us on your face!!!”I responded. 

​

“Yes!! Where do you prefer I cum when we are together?” I loved questions like this. But ultimately it was his way of making me feel like a primary partner, having power but it was an illusion. It was a great example of Drew saying the right things to create the reality he thought I wanted. 

​

“I HIGHLY doubt she’s into as much butt stuff as you are. Because my girl is a freaky little slut that loves her asshole fucked hard!“ He knew how to make a girl feel good. 

​

“I’m so wet thinking about you fucking me soooo well last Friday night. Mmmmmm.

Ya I don’t get the impression she’s a big ole freak - yet  but I get the feel she’s looking to try new stuff because there’s probably a little freak in her when she feels safe. And we are the perfect safe place for a new little freak to blossom. I want you to cum where you want. I’ll ask her about that too. She might have a preference, but if we are stacked and I’m making out with her and playing with her nipples and gently circling her clit with my fingers while you go back and forth from our pussies, I’d love for you cream pie one of us and the other can suck it out.” I fantasized. 

​

“God that's so fucking hot, babe! She will become a freak with time with us!! She just needs to see how comfortable she can be with us! I’ll do my best to make her feel like she’s apart of us and not just an add on!” he said. 

​

“Did Jess and Tim (the swinger couple he fucked before me) do a good job with you in making you feel a part of them? I really want her to feel comfortable too. That can be a hard balance to strike. There’s a small part of me thats worried that you’ll never want to go back to just fucking me alone once you have both of us. I guess I’m worried that me alone will become not enough for you. I'm gonna want some just Drew time sometimes and then other times I’ll want time for the three of us…. How do you feel about that? are you more looking to build more of a constant throuple vibe?” I asked. 

​

“Please be honest. That will help me adjust my expectations… ” and I meant it. 

I was fine if he wanted more of a group vibe but I needed to know. Things were getting more intense when we were together, we talked all the time, called eachother 'my man', 'my little slut', I called his cock, 'my cock', and he said it was 'his pussy' -- yet he seemed so into threesomes, swinging and group sex activities that I questioned if he wanted that all the time or most of the time. I was worried that I alone couldn’t satiate this sexual monster. 

​

“Nooo noo noo! I don’t want more than us (I’d say most of the time I’d like just us two)." he said.  "We will always have the most relaxed, no judgement, fun time with just us two. I think it would be fun to maybe have someone join every couple months? Or however many times we both agree on depending on how comfortable we are with our third? If I’m being honest, if I had to choose between just us two or three or more every time I would pick just us without a doubt. Idc if it’s a guy or girl joining, I would hope we make them feel as comfortable and apart of us as we possibly can. I would hate for anyone to feel excluded (and that goes for you and I also!!) I would also like to talk about boundaries to and what you don’t want to do or don’t want me to do! I mainly want to have someone join bc it’s a hot fantasy I have with you and think it would just be an overall fun time! But we have the best sex! I never want to lose you.” 

​

He always knew the right thing to say to make me feel at ease.  

​

“I honestly think I’ll be more comfortable with a chick not a dude as our third but obv that depends on the person. If we like Emily and she’s comfortable with us I’d love to make it a once a month thing. I’ll think more about boundaries about what I would and wouldn’t want you to do. But honestly if she wants something and you want it too I don’t feel like I’ll have an issue with it. I like making your fantasies come true!! Can you think of something you might want that I might have an issue with? I’d totally be fine if she wanted you to fuck her in the ass. We just have to triple shower in between to keep our lil pussies fresh and healthy for you. But the shower here will fit three easily!” 

​

My house was set up for great sex.  The shower was huge and had perfect seats, foot rests and hand holds for a slippery, steamy experience.  My basement movie room was always warm and my massage table lived down there and was the perfect spot to relieve the tension from a long week or to introduce a new partner to the feeling of my hands on them.  It was also the location of my first anal experience - “Drewsday” we called it. Where he bent me over the table and fucked my tight little asshole for the first time after twenty or thirty slow training sessions with anal training plugs to get me ready for it. I had also learned that taking an edible before anal really helped me relax and enjoy it.  I couldn’t wait for Emily to experience the same comfort and pleasure, but with four hands and two mouths helping her through her first experience. 

​

Sadly, we never got to explore Emily. It turned out she had HPV-6, the strain that can cause genital warts. And without the vaccine, I was too worried about getting physical symptoms that she said she didn’t have. I continued to drive home to Drew the importance of the sexual health conversation with other partners. Now that I had dealt with HPV and HSV and the depression that comes after diagnosis for many of us, I didn’t want to put that on anyone else, AND just as importantly, I didn’t want to have to deal with a new diagnosis again. I continued to remind him how necessary testing was. With multiple partners I was getting tested every three months. Looking back, even with my constant lectures about the importance of sexual health he never got tested once in the year that we were together.  It was as if he believed he was above consequence in that regard too - or just didn’t care. I’m not sure which is worse. 

​

_________________

​

He came home for Christmas 2021 and spent all day in bed with me Christmas Eve.  We had spent a few weeks apart at that point so it was normal to have sex six or seven times a day when we finally got our hands on each other. His libido matched mine perfectly. Fuck. Nap. Snack. Fuck. Nap. Snack. Movies in between and you’ve got yourself an incredibly sexy Christmas. 

​

Until racism hits.  After picking his drunk ass up from another holiday party he dropped the “N” word on the drive home. To which I responded, “That’s not a word white people should use.” 

​

“I can say what I want,”  he responded belligerently.  When he was drunk his angry side often came out. In vino veritas.

I didn’t press him on it that night but the next day I told him how upset it made me. He apologized and blamed his drunkenness. 

​

While he didn’t come out and tell me his political or social views, I was starting to get the picture. But it wasn’t a full red flag yet. It was around this time I noticed his drinking habits were a bit of a concern though.  Every time I’d pick him up from a party, even one at his boss’s house he was so so drunk he couldn’t function.  One party his friends had to carry him to my car.  He blamed his adderall for wearing out, but he also seemed to be drinking to oblivion to escape something. His parents judgement? His boss’s? His own? Maybe all of the above. It was also around this time he finally told me how much he hated his job in Madison. He’d only been there four months.

​

“Yeah I truly hate my current job and what I’m doing.. like I’m dreading going to work tomorrow bc I didn’t get anything done that I needed to and I’m going to get called out… fucking shitty bc I work by far the most out of everyone on site and get nothing out of it..” he played on my sympathies again. 

​

He did such a good job of writing his character as the hardest worker but the one that got shit on.  Notice how he almost takes responsibility for not doing his work in that last statement, but had to add that he works the most out of everyone.

He has zero accountability.

He learned early on to lean on my sympathies with his parents, his work, his money and his insecurities and that it could work for him very well.  He only ever told me what he wanted me to hear.  He controlled the information.  He knew I was a supportive partner and would go above and beyond to help repair his sadness or his tattered ego, so he’d play the down trodden role to increase my compassion for him.  And it worked every time.  

​

“I just wish I was 2” taller and 1” longer. That would be PERFECT,” he texted me one day. 

​

“You know I was just thinking if Drew was just 2” taller and 1” longer we’d have a better connection, better sex and he’d generally be a better person to me…. Guess this is goodbye, Rew.”  I joked. “Fuck that!!!!!! I have never once wanted to change a thing about you. And while I understand the desire we have as humans to be better forms of ourselves - some things are out of our control. And for good reason. I think it’s our job to learn to appreciate our bodies and minds and lives the way they are. Please try not to spend another minute wishing for more height and length to your penis and recognize how incredibly sexy and wonderful you ARE RN!!! Most hot dudes are total assholes and full of themselves. They aren’t kind and thoughtful and generous w their time and snuggles. You have so much more to offer humanity with your huge heart, logical brain and frankly - perfect penis. Cos I couldn’t take it 3x day if it were any bigger.” 

​

“Thank you for that babe^^^ sometimes I forget about all the things I have and only focus on things I don’t have…” 

​

I continued to connect his hatred for himself to his dad’s constant criticism for him. 

“I understand.” I said. “That’s very easy to do especially when we’ve grown up w a critical parent. I also spent most of my teens and twenties hating myself and wishing for more. It was depressing. And caused a lot of anxiety. I found I am capable of a lot more when I focus on what I am good at and what I have —- It doesn’t mean I don’t wish I had bigger boobs or a rounder butt sometimes, but I now realize that those things aren’t as important as the good I can do in peoples lives….cos when I’m 50 I won’t even have what I have now so I better be grateful for what I got till it’s gone.” 

​

“Exactly!!!” He replied.  “It’s tough to keep your mind thinking in the right direction sometimes… Babe I love your body SO much. Like it’s perfect and I wouldn’t change a single thing..“ 

​

I melted. Every girl loves hearing that and he knew it. 

​

———————-  

​

When it came to his work, things started going downhill around January.  Perhaps coincidentally after he took 4 - 5 days off to snowboard in December without asking for them off.  He never told me what exactly happened and why he got pulled off the project in Madison after just a few months, but he always blamed it on his boss’s distaste for him after Drew told him “no” on a project months before.  

​

“idk how much longer I will be on this project bc one of my mentors and I have been butting heads. He is very bipolar.. I know I’m not perfect person and perfect at what I do but I’ve sacrificed and tried so hard but I’m getting pulled probably. I just feel like my dreams have been yanked from me.  I’ve been wanting to do this for so long. Worst part about it is my site boss told me bc he didn’t want me to be blind sided when my boss calls but my boss said would call me like 2 weeks ago. And I’m upset bc I just had my year end reviews and they were good.. I have a few very minor things that he said I could work a little harder on but overall I was doing great… I have a meeting with the boss who is bipolar tomorrow so I’m going to bring something up and see what he has to say and what I can do to make this work out. I just don’t want to leave off this project ” he said.  

​

On January 20 he got the news he was being pulled from the project and transferred back to St. Louis. He was terrified of telling his dad what had happened. He was worried about his judgement and being seen as a fuck up, yet again. He was having headaches and stomach aches - and I did all I could to keep his mind off the stress.

​

His move wasn’t to come till the end of March. So for the rest of the winter we remained in an open relationship. I always told my other partners about him and told him about them ahead of time as he had asked. I sent pictures, screenshots of our conversations, and anything I could to make him feel at ease. 

​

“It makes me feel so good that you can be so open and honest with me, Jess. It makes this so much easier,” he said. 
We talked about our experiences with other partners and what made staying monogamous so hard in the past. 

​

"The orgasm gap is real," I told him as a I sent him an article about women saying 80-90% of their male partners didn't care about their pleasure. 

"These poor ladies. They clearly don't have a sweet freak." I boasted. He always made sure I came first, and often. Our sex was somehow getting better and better each time we saw each other, and I even mentioned the fact that we went an entire weekend without using any toys. 

​

"We learned last weekend that we don't even need toys... I just need a sweet freak on, in, or around me..." I said. 

"That was the first time ever!!" He said. "But toys are fun lol." He never hesitated to try new things. Anal beads, bondage kits, vibrating cock rings with a dildo attached for DP (double penetration). I loved that nothing was off limits to him, and he was always continuing the conversation to learn about my pleasure maps, kinks and body. There was a lot of shame in his childhood around sex, so it made it seem all the more taboo and exciting to him. Combine that with an impulsive, addictive personality, ADHD and you have got yourself a sex fiend. 

​

"I came like eight times today," he told me one Saturday. I asked him to send me the porn he had watched.  

​

More than just sex, we also discussed deeply emotional things. Past relationships, my emotions around cancer, our insecurities, our anxieties, our triggers, and what we learned not to do from our parents. We had similar strict, religious upbringings that made us hate religion, any talk of God or prayer or church. We both agreed it was bullshit used to control people.  

​

The subject of my being in my late thirties without kids came up one day. 

"I never wanted kids," I told him. "I love sleep and money and freedom too much," I just know I'm too selfish to do it really well and I'd hate it if I half assed that. I don't even feel like I need to get married again," I continued.  "I could have a long term partner, but it's just a piece of paper, a decent tax break, but it's hard as fuck being committed to the same person forever. I'm not sure all humans are meant for that," I opined. 

​

"I agree babe!" he said. "I don't need marriage, and I'm a commitment phobe so that feels so good to hear someone else say that. I just hope you keep me around a long time. I'd be devastated if I lost you." he said, and my heart melted again. 

​

"I could easily do this with you for a long, long time. I have such a good time with you," I said. 

​

"I hope you're in my life for years to come," he replied. 

​

We communicated all day throughout our work days and on the phone many nights. I made naked workout videos to send him and he'd throw a butt plug in his ass while jacking off and send me a photo. He'd often request video content of me with a vibrator or fingering my ass, and I always obliged. We talked about anything and everything and he had made me feel so comfortable that I could discuss anything about my life with him. 

​

"After a very hard breakup in 2018, I don’t fuck with people with kids," I told him one day. 

"Have you told me about this breakup?" he asked. 

​

"I don’t think so." I said. "I dated Brent in college. But he was two years older than me so when he graduated we broke up in 2004. He claimed I broke his heart and wanted to stay together but I wanted him to be free of attachment and honestly didn’t trust him not to cheat while he was off being an award-winning photographer so I thought a break up was best.

We both got married (me twice) and Brent had two kids. We got back in touch in early 2018. He was living in Austin and shared custody of his kids with his ex and we started flying to see each other every 3-4 weeks. He was an angry, closed off version of his college self, but I fell hard for his two girls, 3 and 6. They were incredible and we had so much fun. The hardest part about the second breakup later that year was losing contact with the girls. It was like losing three people instead of just one. So now I don’t fuck w that." I said heavily. 

​

"Aw that makes me sad… I feel you on attachment though.." He said.  "I talked to a girl for a bit that had a 2 yr old little girl and I fell so hard for her. I’ve never liked being around kids but that little girl got to me and was so cute.. so now I don’t fuck with kids either." 

"It’s sad but I had so many beautiful moments w those girls. It also opened my eyes to how much work / selflessness it takes to be a parent. That shit is 24/7 and I don’t want to be a bad or resentful parent. I don’t know if you felt this way too but later on I felt relieved that I was out of that situation  - and that my affection for the girls almost blinded me to the unhealthy relationship I had w their dad. Had I stayed w him I would have been so unhappy." 

​

"Yes I am sooo much happier I’m gone now. It was toxic…" he replied. 

​

A few minutes later, "I have a really strong urge to fuck you in the ass rn…" 

​

"I can't wait for you to fuck me in the ass again, babe," I loved it. 

​

We talked about a lot of things, but he still never told me he had any other partners while up in Madison until I came up to visit again. February gave me a brief reprieve from my mom’s chemo. She was doing ok but massive surgery was ahead which meant mega emotional stress for me. I was looking forward to a full weekend with Drew in his winter wonderland. I was sure that would help take both our minds off of our respective stress.  We were out to dinner at our favorite taco bar in his neighborhood when I asked a question about his having other partners.  He admitted he hadn’t told me about a girl he matched with who lived 3 minutes from him. My heart sank.  

​

“She was basically a virgin. So insecure she wouldn’t stand naked in front of me. She keeps hitting me up but I don’t want to see her again,” he said.

Yet again saying just the right thing to put me at ease. 

​

If I had to proffer a guess, he likely saw her many times. Convenient sex is convenient sex and a hole is a hole - and Drew’s libido needed satisfying. 

​

If I were his current girlfriend, I’d have his iMessages backed up to my devices. In fact, I’d back up his entire phone so I could see his apps too.  He has so many apps for discreet communication like KIK and Signal, that there is zero doubt in my mind he’s using them right now to talk to girls (or couples) to satiate his extreme sexual needs while he lived 5 hours away from his sweet, naive, new girlfriend.  

​

Other than that little piece of information about a partner he hadn’t told me about, we had a good weekend together. I didn’t hold him accountable for not telling me about the “virgin girl” --  which ultimately allowed him to resume lying to me by omission. 

​

Just a week prior before driving up to Wisconsin I had discovered we had Chlamydia, and while I assumed it was from one of my other partners, now I can’t be sure. It was then he told me he had been dumped by his ex, Morgan for cheating on her and giving her Chlamydia. That was his last serious relationship.  She was crazy, controlling, wanted to marry him and blend their families, something he was not into, he said. So cheating seemed like the right answer, he justified. 

_________________

​

It was also around this time our differences in opinion about Covid and caring about other people’s health started to surface. He was planning a trip to Maui for a buddy’s wedding and at the time, you couldn’t get into Hawaii without a vaccine card or a negative Covid test taken 72 hours before the flight.  

​

He asked me if I could photoshop a fake vax card for him. My insides fluttered. Eww. If any of my friends knew about that request they’d tell me to dump his ass now. I said I’d look into, and I did. I found the list of charges brought up against the few who had been caught and told him it wasn’t something I could fake well enough. He was going to have to get tested before the flight there. 

​

The story that follows should have been three red flags. To sum it up quickly: Drew is horribly irresponsible and needs a life mommy and a work mommy to keep him on top of things and to keep his life organized. Managing Covid tests and flight itineraries proved to be too much for him. He barely got tested in time to get on his flight to Maui. He got tested by the wrong provider first so he spent over $300 in rapid Covid tests to get to the island. After drinking so much the night before coming home, he passed out on a bench in the Maui airport, he missed his flight back and had to sit in the airport an extra twenty four hours to get back to the mainland so he didn’t have to spend $300 more to get an earlier flight. 

​

He had done such a good job of portraying himself as financially successful up until that point that it seemed odd to me that someone who had the great job he claimed to have  wouldn’t spend $300 to get home faster.  Time was money and for some reason he needed money more than time. What I hadn’t started to notice, was that the generous and doting guy who insisted he pay for me, started to make way for the guy constantly worried about money.  When I had gone up to see him in September he paid for nearly everything. I paid for a brunch of ours that weekend and he said, “No. You’re my guest, you don’t need to pay for anything." 

​

“Equal partners, babe,” I responded. “I get off on equity. You don’t have to pay for everything when we can split things and feel just as good about it. I’m not one of those girls who wants to be taken care of. I want to take care of you as much as you want to take care of me.” 

​

“I love that you’re not like most girls babe, you’re so easy to be with. That takes a lot of pressure off. Thank you.” 

​

After that conversation and after he got pulled from his dream job he stopped being as generous as he once was.  He paid for things in front of other people when it made him look good. And he offered to pay just to say he did, but he didn't follow through. On countless ocassions he said he’d pay me for the weed I got him, but never actually did. When I went to see him in February, I paid for most of our weekend’s expenses.

I caught a glimpse of a paystub of his while I was there, and extrapolated that he made about $68k take home. Glassdoor says his company pays about $75k for his job, but I knew he had an ESOP, so I expected some of that $75k was in stock options.

One night (when he was drunk) he told me he had a $10k bonus the year before, but hoped for a $20k bonus the next year. That was before he got pulled off the Madison project. After he lost that gig, he remained edgy about money and always said things that played on my sympathies like "My buddies won't ever pay for boat gas," or "I wish I was a trust fund baby." Money was a definite insecurity for him. A lot was. Yet his buddies made fun of him for having cash but being stingy. It was a massive discrepancy I should have paid attention to. 

__________________

When he moved back to St. Louis at the end of March we were both thrilled to be together more often and decided we'd not sleep with others - and to only permit special guest stars with us. He changed his Club Foreplay profile to a couples profile and added a naughty and nice album of me to entice other swinger couples to join us.  Only members we accepted could see the naughty album.  Our profile said 26M bisexual and 38F bisexual, looking for bisexual men and/ or women, couples, single ladies, single men, full swap or soft swap. Thanks to my lecturing he added “Our sexual health is key. Condoms required for full swap.” 

​

“Would you wanna do anal with Regun and her man?” he texted me from work one day as he was trying to set up a foursome.

​

 “Is that the girl you’ve been with before, with Jess and Tim?” I asked.

By this time I had learned a lot more about his past sexual exploits.  Jess and Tim were a swinger couple he met on Club Foreplay.  They were the ones he was busy fucking while we were trying to set up our first rendezvous.  

​

“Yes! She’s the one!! She’s small and has a great pussy for us to eat! She is talking to a guy and he’s up for trying a little guy bi stuff - which could be fun.” he said devilishly. 

​

“You trained my asshole and you took the time and work to do it babe! You’re the only one going in my asshole!” I replied. 

​

“Love it!” He exclaimed.  That seemed to be his catch phrase. Quick, but shows enthusiasm, and he could then respond to other texts from other girls or couples who also gave him the much needed attention he desired. It also trained me to correlate the word “love” with him.  Con-artists and manipulators will use repeated words to groom you into thinking certain things when you hear specific words. And Drew was a master manipulator.  

​

“I was thinking possibly have them in your basement, have some drinks/smoke and then possibly get on the massage table!? I’m just imagining 6 hands massaging us 1 at a time ,” he fantasized.  “You could get your two guy dp or dvp and I could get my balls sucked while cumming in your pussy .” 

​

“I love your freakiness babe! You’re such a sweet freak!” I said.  “I love that you’re comfortable talking about all the things you want to try with me,” 

​

“I kinda wish I was freakier, but idk how!” He replied.  

​

“I think freakiness develops over time. Our inner freaks need to feel safe to come out. It’d be hard to get you much freakier babe  you’re such a sweet freak,” I replied. 

​

“I mean maybe someday we’ll have some orgies or something.” I continued. “ I’d love to give you that reverse gang bang you want too. I’d be much more into that than an actual GB,” I admitted. 

​

“I love how you’re so into other women,” he cooed. “Have you fucked any black guys/girls?” He asked. 

​

“I have. The dude that was in town last week that was my FWB in 2019 was a 265 lb black dude. He was so big he hurt me. I’m glad that phase is over. Lol. Pain is not pleasure for me,” I said. 

​

“Wahhhh do you have any vids/pics! Of that?! I wish I was 2” longer and a little thicker!” He interjected. 

​

“Uh nooo! You’re fucking perfect for my pussy and asshole. I wish you could feel how good you feel inside me. You’d change your mind about wanting any different cock.” 

​

“Love to hear that^^^ made my day for sure,” he said relieved.  

​

“You’re the same! I’ve never had a blowjob like yours or someone that makes me feel as good as you do!!” he remarked.

He claimed mine was the first blow job that he could cum from.  I’m not sure if that’s true or not but I believed it at the time. He did need a ton of stimulation and thrusting to cum, so a super sloppy bj with ball sucking and a good ass eating and he came like a fountain.  He knew I loved the achievement of being the first and he loved giving me the chance to be part of firsts. 

​

 “I think it would be hot to make a cock cum for my first time," he fantasized. "I'd only want to do it with youu there tho babe." 

​

“I would give anything to see you make a cock cum for your first time, babe! Can you just make sure Regun knows about my HPV,” I said.  “I never want a girl to be blindsided by that. It’s super important to women since that can be such a big scary deal to us.” I instructed.  “And if she’s not ok with it and you want to go hook up with her and her man just let me know.  I want your bucket list taken care of.”  

​

“Yes of course! I will talk to her about that now! I want you with me when I’m playing with anyone else . You’re my lil slut.” He said with pride.  

​

“You melt my slutty little heart,” I replied.  

​

As it turned out that foursome didn’t happen due to Ragun’s man being a bit jealous of another man in the scene. But we pressed on trying to find sexy freaks like us. In the meantime, we’d continue to talk about what we wanted to do with other people. 

​

“What about double stacking two of us? Us ladies can make out and you get on top of us and fuck both of us back and forth. 

I’ll see if This chick Kayla is freaky and vaxxed and down. She’s a nurse so she’d likely make you switch condoms between fucking us. A lot of docs / nurses I’ve found are super condom conscious.” 

“YES  I'd love to double stack and go back n forth!! I got hard reading that^^ I don’t mind switching condoms between you guys (obviously would feel better not using a condom).  I just watched people on cam doing threesome stuff and it’s so hot that they all seem so comfortable, not in a rush, not trying to force things, etc!! How’s my sexy lil slut? How’s MY pussy? How’s MY asshole??” 

Claiming my body was his way of trying to make me feel special, but it was really a manipulative way of getting me more attached to him. 

_________________ 

He moved back home from Madison on March 28 and after moving most of his large furniture back to his parent's house after just a seven month reprieve from them, on April 1, April Fool's Day, he brought a suitcase full of clothes and toiletries to my house. 

​

I prepared my asshole with an edible. 

​

​