My experience with a liar...
Part 3 continued - From Sex Crazed Swinger to Step Dad in seconds...
Sex Crazed Swinger Diaries page 4
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I’m sure you're tired of all the screenshots. I realize the entire last page was just one day's worth.
But this was a part of my healing from Drew's betrayal -- to go through and re-read our interactions and look through my daily journal to recognize that I did all I could.
I did all I could to help Drew feel safe in being honest with me about his kinks, fantasies and his other partners.
I gave him room to make changes to our relationship agreement.
I communicated my needs and told him when something bothered me.
I was honest with him even when it was hard.
Yet he seemed incapable of reciprocating honesty.
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It helped me heal to see his lies still living audaciously in our texts. Not just one little white lie, a whole list of manipulative lies that allowed him to create the reality he thought I wanted.
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It helped me to list his lies so I could see that this boy did not value honesty.
He said he did - but he wasn’t behaving like he did.
His behavior speak volumes about him.
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“There’s three things you need to know in life. What you desire, what you believe, and what you have to do. And they don’t always line up.” - St. Thomas Aquinas
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One thing I know is that Drew's desires, beliefs, actions and his values do not line up.
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- Tuesday, June 28, 2022 -
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The night before I had sent him a lengthy text about why I wouldn't be going to Wisconsin that weekend while he was off boating with the boys. A friend of mine had acted a fool and I wasn't going to waste my time driving up to see him.
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Drew had called me on the way to work from his parent's house that morning to talk about it.
He was calling me to discuss my friendships with me, you don't do that with someone you don't care about, I thought.
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Later that night I asked him about his SHEIN order and if he had it ready for me to return for him.
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He was planning to leave on Thursday evening for Nashville. I told him not to worry about coming home to me Tuesday or Wednesday since he had so much to do before he left.
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Anxiety arose in my chest again as I thought about him going to Nashville - near his beautiful 'college friend' for the second time in a month.
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He refused my offer to take the week off from me.
He wouldn't do that if he didn't want to be with me - I reassured my anxious brain.
He walked through the sliding glass door that lead from my deck to my bed five minutes later.
I trilled with excitement at his surprise arrival.
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He threw me on the bed and had his way with me, looking in my eyes and telling me he loved me while I rode him.
My anxiety subsided for the moment.
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When we snuggled into bed, he showed me pictures of the work he had done on his boat that day on his phone.
While we were looking at his screen, a snapchat notification came across his screen -- it was Paige.
I rolled over and my anxiety found me again.
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He quickly put his phone away and rolled over to hold me.
"Baby, I love you," he said, like that was all I needed to be reassured.
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"Please tell me if Paige ends up coming to meet up with you," I said while his lips found the nape of my neck. "Please let me know if you decide to sleep with her this time," I finished.
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"Baaaabe. I am not going to sleep with her. I'm your man." he said convincingly as he held me tighter.
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"You are. But we've agreed we can open things up if one or both of us needs more," I reminded him.
"So I just need you to be honest with me. We will still be together if you sleep with her and you're honest with me. I just need to know, so that I can adjust my expectations of you."
"Baby, I promise you. I will not sleep with her this weekend."
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I sighed deeply. Content with that answer for the moment.
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"Jet pack?" he asked.
"Always," I said as he rolled over and I grabbed onto his shoulders like we were taking off. His cute charm distracting me from my anxiety yet again.
- Wednesday June 29, 2022 -
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I hardly slept thanks to my anxious brain.
I woke up before his 5:30a alarm and waited until he roused to reach down and grab his balls. I didn't feel like porn that morning. I just licked him slowly until he grabbed me and sat me on his hard cock. I reached back and played with his balls as I rode him. His eyes were sleepy, but smiling up at me. He circled my clit with his thumb and I was close to orgasm, but didn't want to finish yet. I hopped off him and sucked myself off cock until he got close. Then I climbed back on in reverse cowgirl so he could see and play with my asshole --
"Make it gape for me," he said and I obliged. He couldn't help himself, he was an asshole addict. He pushed me onto the bed and finished in my ass. After almost a year of training my asshole with him I could now climax solely with anal. He filled me with warm cum and we moaned in unison as we orgasmed together.
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As he hopped in the shower I realized I was out of protein powder, NOKA smoothies and anything remotely breakfast related.
Anxiety made my stomach feel empty. I needed sustenance. I sent him off to work empty handed and told him I'd bring a Vanilla Hulk over to his office soon.
I knew resentment well. I had divorced both of my husbands before I was 32 because of it. Resentment eats at both parties - regardless of whether both of them harbor it. And unresolved resentment destroys even the sweetest of loves. I learned long ago that you need a lot more than love to make a relationship last.
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I had spent both marriages not communicating my needs and I had spent plenty of hours with my therapist learning how to communicate my feelings, especially when they weren't easy ones to discuss. I needed to voice my concerns early with Drew and make sure resentment didn't build up on my end. It was the only way. It also showed Drew how to communicate without a need to fight or avoid conflict -- I thought by being honest with him he would be more honest with me.
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That's called naivety.
It's also called "projection". Projection is when we believe that others are as honest as we are.
It means that things tend to work out well for liars like Drew when they're with good, honest people.
So con-artists like Drew seek out marks with who will assume he's just as truthful as they are.
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Later that day he texted to ask me if we could go to Sam's to buy a giant floating mat for his trip.
Even with plans to fuck someone else the next day -- not to mention the great lengths he went to to hide said fucking from me -- he still played the part of the super helpful and caring partner.
And I bought his bullshit yet again - hook, line and sinker.
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He didn't end up buying the $250 floating mat for his trip, and he didn't help me with the soil. I knew a shopping trip was likely out of the question for him that day. But maybe it was an attempt to get me to go buy the mat for him. When I brought up needing his help with the soil, he likely realized I wasn't going to pick up on that hint.
He struggled to ask for things directly -- so he usually left it up to me to offer to do him favors -- then he pretended it was too much to ask so he looked like a good guy, but usually, he got what he wanted.
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He was a master manipulator.
It worked 9 out of 10 times on me.
He worked on his boat and packed all night, so he stayed at his parents' house that final evening before his trip. My anxiety rose higher in my chest to make sure I really noticed it this time. I wouldn't see him again until Monday night. But I also knew I could breathe through it.
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Even when he was about to go visit and fuck someone else he took the time to ask if I had a busy day.
His efforts to seem good to me even while he wasn't being good to me still astound me today as I re-read them.
He tried SO FUCKING HARD to make things seem like they were great - even when they were far from it.
A salt cave for a swinger event. I had to laugh. Sticking swingers in a tiny room together with nothing but chairs, spa music and each others' genitals to entertain us. He could turn anything into a swinger party.
His meetings ended early and at 2:20pm he texted to ask if I had left my house yet.
I didn't respond right away so he called me by 2:23pm.
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He knew I was pissed that he suddenly had time to come see me if his new clothes came. "I see how it is" was all I had to say.
He was good at reading people. Even through text. He hated disappointing anyone or having them think he wasn't the most generous, most helpful, most charming guy they knew.
After telling him I was still at home and shared the good news that I had heard from my doctor that I had finally cleared my 3 year HPV infection - he arrived at my bedroom door ten minutes later. He was trying to allay my suspicions and my anger by coming over to kiss, fuck and hold me once more before he left. And to get his new clothes for his new 'lake chic' look, of course.
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I was still in my bikini. He pushed me on the bed and I landed on my back. He climbed on top of me and kissed me fucking well.
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"You're such a good kisser," I said with a smile, knowing what he'd say next.
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"I'm just following you," he said with a smirk, and I mouthed it along with him.
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I unbuckled his belt and he stood up to take his shoes off. He knew I liked to take his clothes off for him, so he climbed back on top of me and let me finish undressing him.
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He was hard before I finished taking his clothes off. I loved how quickly he got turned on with me. He slid my swimsuit bottoms to the side and started fucking me, then stopped, likely realizing it would chafe his dick -- and little did I know he needed it again in a few hours.
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He stood up again to take my bottoms off slowly and I took the opportunity to swivel around so my head was off the bed and his balls were hovering just above my lips, ready to be sucked. I sucked his balls while I stroked his cock until he climbed on the bed. His head on the pillow with his erect little cock waving in the air waiting for me to suck or ride it. As soon as he got in that position I noticed he had shaved his pubes completely down.
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Weird, I thought. He didn't know he was coming to see me when he showered this morning.
Why did he need to shave so well for a boating weekend?
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I climbed on top of him and cock squatted him so I could look him in the eyes.
Did anything seem off? I thought to myself. Did he seem different? Anxious? Distant?
Nothing seemed different. He caressed my belly, boobs and clit the same way he always did and smiled like nothing was wrong.
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His smile turned devilish and he tweaked my nipples hard as I rode him and I threw my head back and moaned as the hot, energetic sensation shot through my body.
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"Fuuuuck baby, I love that so much." I said as my hair fell in front of my face. He reached up and pushed it behind my ear so he could look in my eyes.
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He smiled, "I love you so much, babe." Then he licked his thumb before circling my clit with it.
I rode him harder and we both moaned as we got closer and closer to cumming. He eventually pushed me off him and twisted me onto my hands and knees to fuck me from behind. He reached around to play with my clit again. After he could feel me drip down his fingers he swiftly stuck two of his soaking digits in my asshole and continued fucking me. He loved pushing all my buttons.
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He made sure he came with me. He had better control over his cum than his life.
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Afterwards we laid spooning, his arms wrapped around me and his hands on my belly.
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"The next ruler of the world could be in there," he said as he rubbed my stomach gently.
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For a moment we laid there and pretended it might not be a bad thing to have a baby.
I felt his heart rate slow down after the goodbye sex and I decided to bring up Peter, who had texted asking if mami would be able to take him out while papi was out of town that weekend. My plans with my cousins had fallen through due to a lady bug infestation in the cabin we were renting.
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"I know we said we wanted to meet up with Peter together, but we also wanted to try to go out with Darius and Mallory next week, and I thought I could vet him over drinks and then we can decide if we want to actually fuck him."
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"Would you have him over here?" he asked with a little worry in voice.
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"No, we'd meet out for a drink," I answered. "Just a vibe check, ya know?"
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"I'm a little worried about you, actually babe. There are crazy people out there, so" --- he paused realizing he couldn't ask me not to go out with Peter when I had recently said I didn't want to control him and tell him he couldn't go to Nashville if Paige would be there.
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"Just be careful please," he said softly.
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"I will be" I said as I leaned over to my bedside table and pulled out six flavored condoms.
"You be careful too, please. And If you do end up seeing Paige, please protect us both." I said as I laid the condoms on the bed next to him.
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"Baby I promise I will not be sleeping with her," he said softly in my ear from behind as he rubbed my belly lovingly.
"I promise you I will be good to you. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You know I'd be destroyed if I lost you."
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"You won't lose me if you're honest with me. That's all I ask," I said as I turned my head to look at him.
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"Always," he said. The look in his eye was deeply caring. I flipped over and wrapped my arms around his neck and draped my leg over top of him.
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"Thank you," I said. "I know you have to go. I'm so glad you came. Thank you for making a little time for me in what I know was a super crazy day. I made some cookies today. Take some for your drive down." I got out of bed and walked naked to the kitchen. I brought back a long rectangular rubbermaid container of chocolate chip cookies and placed the condoms on top before I handed him everything.
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"I'm so glad I got to see you," he said slowly tilted his head to the side as he leaned in to kiss me.
A long, good goodbye kiss.
I'll never forget the way he hugged me as he left that day. It was long and lingery. He squeezed me harder than he usually did and I made a little noise as squeezed the air out of my lungs.
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As soon as he left I texted him and told him how much I appreciated him stopping by, and that I wouldn't be meeting Peter because I didn't like that it caused him anxiety.
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"I love our love and how protective you are and I want to remove as much fear / anxiety as I can from that love." I texted.
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He shot back immediately, "Babe you can go!! I trust you and your decisions!!" His guilt for going down to meet another woman without telling me showing through.
