My experience with a liar...
Part 4.....New town, new Drew
Below are a few of the last DMs Drew sent me before he was caught in his double life....
It's great insight into his boat pride, penis insecurities, and his desire not to be a parent.
Will the real Drew please stand up....
- Is Drew a non-monogamous, sex crazed swinger with commitment issues who doesn't want kids and delights in making his fantasies come true with couples, groups and any and all genders -- as he was with me?
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- Or is he a traditional, family oriented, value based Catholic man who loves kids and desperately wants to be a step dad to Paige's daughter, and eventually the father of Paige's next baby -- as he portrays himself to her?
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Only Drew truly knows.
But my guess is that Drew doesn't really know who he is yet. He's only been acting the part of a monogamist a few months now. If he can switch from one to the other as quickly running down a set of steps, he can certainly switch back when the mood strikes him.
Meeting Paige....
I'll fast forward to the good part, the day where Paige and I met.
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But first let me recap what happened after Drew went down my steps for the last time as I held my 9mm up and pointed it at the back of his head and mouthed the "PEW PEW" sounds the imaginary bullets would make as they headed towards -- penetration.
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- He began formulating his plan to get Paige back once he knew for sure I was done with him. He called her immediately to tell her about crazy fuckin' Jess who just held a gun to his balls.
He deserved it, she had told him.
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- Drew continued telling Paige everything she wanted to hear for weeks on end - "she's his white buffalo, she's the love of his life (after just seven dishonest days in her presence!), she's his barbie and he lied to her, sure....but their love was real real."
- Paige and I remained in contact through July, getting the occasional glimpses into each other's lives and sharing small truths with each other when our fragile psyches could handle facing another. I learned that he had called me over and over again the weekend of Heather's birthday, not because of Heather and Dallas' fight, but because he and Faith had gotten in a fight and she said she wasn't sure she 'could do this with him'. He couldn't handle not having a woman's attention for an evening, so drunk Drew called me in the hopes that I'd give him the validation and the comfort he so desperately needed, even while Paige was likely just a few hundred feet away, stewing at him.
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- I had also learned that he had told her he would marry her on the July 4th trip. They had discussed their plan as: talking, going back and forth, dating, traveling then getting married. All before they had spent only a week in each other's presence.
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- I provided evidence to Paige that Drew was lying to her when he said he didn't have HSV-1. I also told her what I knew of his salary (based on the paycheck I saw) and bonus he told me about and she said he was lying to her about that too.
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- On July 15th I found Drew on Tinder and sent Paige a screenshot of his profile. The same shirtless boat pic he used to pick me up sat there on my screen smiling devilishly back at me. His bio, "I have a boat, wanna ride?"
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- I procured pills from a doctor in Illinois to assassinate the "future ruler of the world" Drew left inside me -- it had a 30% chance of being ADHD and impulsive, just like he was.
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- I shared with her that I was going to write a book about his mediocre con-artistry and had started a blog to warn women around the Midwest about the new Tinder Swindler in their midst. She wanted to read it and to know if I ever heard from Nurse Becky once it was published.
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- August 27th I saw Paige had come to STL since we were IG friends. I knew it had to be for him, so I told her how saddened I was that she didn't respect herself more after all he'd lied about. Drew's attempts to say exactly what Paige wanted to hear had finally worked and she had taken him back. But in order to trust him, she told me he had to give her the password to his phone and she could look through it anytime she wanted. The caveat - they still lived five hours apart at that time (so he could easily download and delete dating apps and conversations before he seeing her).
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- August 29 - Paige said she wished the three of us could get together to discuss things, so the two of us ladies could get some real answers from him. I agreed, and surprisingly -- so did Drew.
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- August 29, 2022 -
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The three of us planned to meet at aTGIF Friday's before he took her to the airport. I only communicated with her about our meet cute.
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As I drove closer to our meet up my breathing grew rapid, my heart rate soared and I began to feel strange in my hands and feet -- fight or flight again. I had wondered if he had actually found a way to hijack her IG to coerce me to meet him somewhere where he could pull a gun on me - so I packed a small .22 short with me.
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I parked in a near by parking lot trying to breathe.
His pockmarked face and greasy hair popped into my head and I imagined shooting him in the balls to calm myself down.
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I couldn't do it. I didn't want to see his face ever again and I meant it. I DM'd Paige. I apologized I couldn't go through with it. Seeing him was just too triggering. I fired off a list of questions she should ask him to help her think through his lies.
I knew that all of his answers to the questions would be Paige-centric now that he was pouring all his energy into getting her to believe him. He'd say anything she wanted to hear. I was the crazy bitch who held his balls up - so he didn't need to answer honestly, he just needed to answer them in the way that made Paige feel safe.
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- Did you ever meet up with Nurse Becky?
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- If you didn't fuck Becky, why did you need her in your life if you truly loved both me and Paige?
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- Did you really give your uncle $50k? Can you prove it?
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- Most of your fantasies include 3 people or more - how are you going to remain monogamous while not having those fantasies fulfilled?
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- Why did you sell yourself as a freak who isn't into monogamy to me, yet now you're suddenly an entirely different person with different desires with Paige?
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- Six months ago you were a wild freak who wasn't into monogamy or commitment, how have you changed?
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- Why did you lie to Paige and tell her you didn't have herpes?
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- You sold yourself as someone who cares a lot about sexual health, but why would you not respect us enough to protect us with condoms?
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- Are you a struggling 26 year old who lives at him with his parents, who needs help paying for gas and food? Or are you a man who is going to take care of Paige and her child and buy her the car of her dreams without complaint?
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- You and your friends have a group chat called "White Ass Ni**as" that you hid from me because you know racism bothers me, are you willing to admit you're racist?
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- How did he justify not being vaxxed for covid with Paige? Did he tell you he had covid the week he came to meet you in AR? Does he really care about people's health, or just pussy?
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- When Paige doesn't allow you to have sex with other people, threesomes or swinging, how are you going to deal with your sexual urges when you're long distance? How will you not be impulsive and actively stay monogamous?
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- How are you going to prove to her you aren't re-downloading dating apps when you're hundreds of miles away?
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- Are you going to resent her for not fully trusting you and needing to have your phone password in a year? Ten years?
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- Are you going to go to therapy to deal with your insecurities / lying?
- Do you realize you aren't good enough for Paige? She's clearly a better human than you're capable of being. All I can do is hope that she figures that out before you impregnate another woman. ​
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As I finished typing those questions, I changed my mind...
I'd be happy to meet with her, I told her, but not him. He was dead to me. But I'd happily answer any questions she had for me, and I wanted her to know I was willing to discuss things -- with her.
I pulled into TGIF Fridays next to his Silverado on her side of the car and waited for her to get in my whip.
The girl that sat down next to me was fucking adorable. She had two pigtail braids under a hat, a black t-shirt and shorts. She wasn't wearing any make up and while I could tell she was made up for her online appearances as Drew had noted, she was gorgeous without make up - reason #347 Drew was a fucking dick.
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We hugged and I felt an immediate need to protect this fantastically trusting woman.
She was obviously too sweet and honest to see what Drew was really capable of. He was betting on it.
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My anxiety attack had made her almost late for the airport, but she said she'd missed her flight a few times already. She pulled out an ABSOLUT mini from her purse and took a swig, leaving half in the bottle.
She extended her hand to me and asked if I wanted the rest. I noticed our identical fingernail color.
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"Drew sure has a type," I said laughing as I took the bottle and drank with the tanned blonde next to me who even had a similar hump in the bridge of her nose like mine.
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"You're precious," she said to me with a cute little twang.
It felt patronizing in the moment, but she seemed genuinely kind and wanted to learn to trust Drew she said. They were working on it. She had his phone password now, and she could check anytime she wanted she said. He was making great steps to seem trustworthy --
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"Of course he is," I said. "He'd be stupid not to. He had to TRY to get you back, and talk is cheap. Actions are what you need to look for. He got away with countless lies until I caught him - and who knows how much longer he would have tried to get away with fucking both of us while he was long distance with you -- and likely more Nurse Beckys too."
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He had to pull some seriously good repairs out of his ass to get this woman to take him back after all that he's done and lied about, I thought. She was truly courageous to be willing to sit down with the other woman and discuss her love and his lies calmly with the woman who had outted him. My heart sank for her - especially after what she had been through with her ex who left her for her ICU nurse after Paige had been brutally attacked three years ago. What were a few little lies compared to that, I'm sure she thought.
What scared me most, I explained, was that her daughter was now going to be entrusted in the hands of a man who could pretend to be anyone he wanted.
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He climbed out of his truck to come tell her they needed to go, and I felt physically ill at the sight of his face and his haughty swagger. I hugged her again and wished her well -- hoping against all hope that she'd see his wily ways soon.
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The Psychology Of A Double Life:
How does a double or secret life look?
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Anything that seems out of character.
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A seemingly good husband could have a porn or sex addiction.
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A rich man could be compulsively engaging in cons or theft.
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A seemingly ordinary co-worker could be drug addict.
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A outwardly happy boyfriend / husband could have a second home on the other side of town...or in another state.
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"Sociopaths are social predators who live their lives by exploiting others. When sociopaths live double lives, the prime reason is probably because it enables them to exploit multiple people simultaneously." - Lovefraud
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"Another reason for double lives is the promiscuity of sociopaths. Most sociopaths have a high appetite for sex, amazing stamina, and get bored easily. Consequently, what they really want in their sex lives is variety. So they hook up with a variety of people, in a variety of places, and engage in a variety of sex acts.
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Many sociopaths simply love the game. They love getting one over on people—one expert called this “duping delight.”
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A double life begins when the conflict between the need to reveal and the need to conceal the secret remains unresolved.
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Mask of normalcy
Some sociopaths hold a job, have a family, maintain a house and go to church to provide cover for their true pursuits—sex, drugs, crime and perhaps even murder. This is how some famous serial killers operated, such as Dennis Lynn Rader, the BTK killer. He worked, was a church deacon, and killed 10 people. His wife of 34 years never knew of his desire to “bind, torture and kill.”
Even when they aren’t killers, many sociopaths establish “normal” lives to make it easier to pursue their exploitative interests. Some sociopaths are also extremely concerned about their image. They want to keep their places in society, and having a spouse, family, job and a nice car all contribute to their status.
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Dangers of the double lives
The dangers to unknowing partners are serious. Sociopaths bleed their partners of money to fund their extracurricular activities. As reported in the new book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, 20 percent of survey respondents said that their sociopathic partners infected them with sexually transmitted diseases.
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But even when partners aren’t physically harmed by the double lives of sociopaths, the psychological damage of betrayal is profound. Discovery of the truth leads to two kinds of shock: The shock at the callous actions of the sociopath, and the personal shock that the partner was totally in the dark.
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Recovery, for the targets, can be long and difficult. In the meantime, the sociopaths simply move on to another life."
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Now Drew lives in Nashville
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Thanks to his job with a giant global construction company, it's easy to move to a new town once he's been caught cheating and lying. Drew moved on to a new life in Nashville with Paige, but this time that life includes a child.
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This is why I'm here. To protect Paige and her child as best I can. The more people in Drew's life that know about his patterns, lies, impulses and motives the safer those two sweet southern girls are.
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Paige has kept in touch with me during the creation of this website and said that she's met his family and all his friends and they love her -- as if they wouldn't. She's amazing. She's not who I'm worried about. Those closest to Drew in his life that know about his shady past would be thrilled for him that he was able to convince a girl like that to come back so easily.
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She says they're in love and she's in love with his family and he with hers, and of course it seems that way now -- he's a master manipulator and charmer. Plus it's the honeymoon period. Everything seems great with a con-artist in the beginning.
He knows what role she wants him to play. And as long as he's getting what he wants (status for having a hot MILF and regular pussy once the kid goes to sleep) he'll keep it up - as long as he can keep his sexual impulses under control.
He knows he has to commit to this role fully to convince Paige to stick by him after all he lied about in the beginning. So he has to sell it hard. That means a move to Nashville introducing friends and family to her to convince Paige she was different from me -- that she was special. She believes she's safe since I'm out of the picture. But I am fully convinced she's not safe from Drew's pattern of lies.
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So I made sure all of Drew's closest friends read this.
And you've all studied it well. Many of you have spent hours reading this truly terrifying account.
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You - Drew's friends (and co-workers he sent it to) can be the eyes and ears for Paige when she's not around.
You can hold Drew accountable when he lies about doing all the work on a boating trip, or seeks attention for being the unlucky guy at work who got shit on again.
You now know how duplicitous he can be. You know his impulses are towards status, money and sex - and lots of it. He will do anything to impress Paige to keep her believing he's good. You can help her keep tabs on him now that he can't easily get sex all the time. Kids and family around make 2-7 rounds of sex a day tough, and with no dating apps on his phone and her looking over his shoulder, he's only going to get frustrated when dealing with a low daily orgasm count - it's just a matter of time.
You now know that he'll say anything to keep his supply on the line - because words are cheap to a liar.
You can look out for his convincing lies that attempt to make him look good.
You can keep him humble and if he steps a single toe out of line you can remind him the things Paige overlooked in order to forgive him.
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And when the time comes - hopefully you'll be courageous enough to tell Paige the truth, even if it's hard.
Because she deserves better.
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If he truly is healed from being a compulsive liar - I can sleep soundly knowing it cost him dearly. He lost his freedom that the swinger life affords. He's lost the easy and daily access to morning porn wake ups, the possibility of group sex, and he's lost the capability of fulfilling his deepest sexual fantasies. This is why I believe he'll fuck up.
He'll tire of the lack of freedom and the obligations of family life soon enough.
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You are her army now -- this is no longer a fucking drill.
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Protect her at all costs.
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